At work
Ever since high school I have wanted to become a nurse anesthetist. The plan was to go to college for my bachelors in nursing, work in an ICU for 1 to 2 years, then go for my masters in anesthesia. This is The Plan that got me through undergrad when I just didn’t think I could go on any more. It got me through clinicals when my professor would make me cry regularly. The Plan decided where I would work after graduation since I needed the experience in a large, trauma based ICU.
This January, I will have worked for 1 year in the ICU. So according to The Plan the next step would be to start applying to grad schools, but that’s the problem. I’m not applying and I’m not signing up to take the GREs and I’m not even looking. This is very unlike me. I’m a go-getter, not one to dilly dally or wait until the last-minute. I should be over organizing each grad school into regions, rank, and degrees earned. All of which would be in a color coordinated spread sheet. Deadlines are passing me by and I don’t even bat an eye at them.
All of this made me think why? Why am I not applying or at least looking? Why haven’t I signed up for a GRE date or even started to seriously study for them? Why am I standing still and pretending to go through the motions? Am I afraid? Afraid I won’t get into a good school, afraid I will let my parents down, or afraid I will fail? I know these schools are incredibly competitive so not being accepted the first time is not unheard of or even that rare. My parents will be proud of anything I do and I know this. As for failing, well I’ve already done that and lived so no big deal.
I feel the real reason I’m not jumping at grad schools is I don’t even know if that is what I still want. High school was a long time ago and I have changed a great deal since then. Do I still want this career? All the things I love about my current job will not carry over to a nurse anesthetist. Am I ready to fork over $50,000 and 2 years of my life on something I might want to do? Are there other masters programs out there that I would like more? Would I be happier staying where I am?
Now, I have to figure out how and when to tell my parents that grad school is on hold.
6 comments
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December 10, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Stephanie
Whatever you decide to do, do it for yourself. It’s good that you’re looking into things. I’m not jumping into a graduate program because I’m not sure I want one and don’t even know what I would want if I did. Take your time. Being happy with your job is the most important thing, in my opinion.
December 10, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Renee
Your parents will understand, I’m certain of it. As long as you’re doing what makes you the most happy, how can they not be happy for you?
December 12, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Erin @ SYL: Slipcover Your Life
This post really rang home… It’s funny that what we thought we wanted in life when we were in high school doesn’t always seem what we want when we’re in our 20s… I wanted to be a Doctor and now I work in Finance and run a design blog!!!! And just because Grad School is on hold doesn’t mean it won’t happen, that’s what our 20s are about, trying different things!
December 20, 2009 at 10:33 pm
E.P.
I agree with Renee. Your parents WILL understand, and as long as you’re happy with what you are doing, they will be, too!
Good luck, lady, and I hope this holiday season is a fantastic one for you!
December 28, 2009 at 11:35 am
mattkendrick.com
Hang in there. You’re doing yourself a big favor and taking time to decide. It’s better to weigh out your options now, than to make a quick hasty decision. My wife and I have worked through making the decision for her to go back to school for pharmacy. It wasn’t easy at first, but we’re glad that she is on her way to becoming a Pharmacist!
December 29, 2009 at 11:23 pm
LiLu
This is quite the juncture, my dear! And it’s a good thing… that’s you’re sitting back and taking time to decide what’s right for you, without just diving into an (expensive!) career path that you’re not 100% sure about yet.